A popular idea in spiritual circles is that of “owning it.” We’re told that our spiritual development depends on us owning the dark corners of ourselves, owning our weaknesses and fears, our lust, anger, paranoia, and jealousy… pretty much anything that traditional culture told us is taboo.
And it’s understandable why that idea would have come about. Many people repress the more intense aspects of themselves, preferring to pretend those feelings don’t exist than actually dealing with the complexity of who we all are and the challenge of trying to navigate the inner landscape.
I’ve noticed the repression is especially true for people interested in spirituality (I’m not speaking about you or me, of course). But you have to admit, many of us “spiritual” folks tend to have a lot of ideas about what spirituality is supposed to look like, and as such, we can live our lives trying to fit into a self-made box that inherently lacks freedom and authenticity.
And so many find that embracing the aspects of ourselves that we had previously disowned can be cathartic and even, dare I say, downright enlightening.
But I would like to take a different position on this and ask the question, “Are you owning it, or is it owning you?” (thanks to Kenzo for that lovely turn of phrase)
BEING REAL
I’d like to share a conversation I had with a musician whose work I greatly admire, Stuart Davis, who I recently had the pleasure to meet. I asked him, “How come your music is sometimes so transcendent and beautiful, and other times so raunchy?” And he said, more or less, “I have to own everything that I am, otherwise it will haunt me; it will hunt me down. I can’t repress it.”
This is just one example of many that says that expressing these lower impulses and urges—albeit in socially acceptable ways such as art, music, creativity, poetry, writing, and perhaps the occasional party or two—is not just healthy, but is actually spiritually evolved.
Because obviously, when you’re able to drop the f-bomb on stage and flaunt sexual taboos, then you (and everyone in the audience) know that you’re being real.
WHITHER HAPPINESS?
My own experience with the shadow, however, points to something else. I’ve found that, actually, by making effort not to express it, I’m able to tap into a source of unusual freedom, spiritual strength, and real happiness. Even more importantly, I’ve found that by sharing that dignified and respectful space with others, a deeper trust and ease can emerge between us that is almost impossible if we’re not keeping our lower impulses in check.
So the question becomes: By not acting on all of our wants and desires, are we harming ourselves in some way? Are we dissociating from critical aspects of who we are, and maybe even causing a split in our personalities?
No!
Why not? How could it be a good thing to not own all of who you are?
Well, I’ve found that it’s only in disowning—that is, not acting on—our lower impulses that one is able to gain the profound clarity that can only be won through a posture of stillness and disengagement (which is one of the fruits of meditation, but we’ll explore that in another post).
That’s not to say we’re avoiding anything about ourselves. In fact, this is one of the biggest challenges of what I’m speaking about: remaining awake to the sometimes tumultuous and disturbing roller coaster of feelings and thoughts that arise within us on a daily basis—regardless of how much they may frighten us, or conflict with our spiritual self-image, or defy our dearly held cultural norms.
But if we allow ourselves to experience it all, and yet see through it all, and not assume that it means something about us but just allow ourselves to experience it all and not move, that’s when we will in fact be owning it.
Because that’s when we’re free, and our mind and emotions will no longer be owning us, ostensibly compelling us to create things, express things, and live in such a way that is anything other than spiritually inspired. This freedom through stillness, then, is what allows us to be a source of inspiration and confidence for those with whom we live and work and act in the world. And that’s the kind of world I want to be living in!
What do you think about this question? Let us know in the comments below.
